Friday the 13th Part I.

This movie has a lame title sequence. These 2 kids bout to have sex in the woods get interrupted by someone they may know... then they get killed...
"Friday the 13th" crashes thru some glass 'cause that makes sense.

There's a girl hitch-hiking her way to Camp Crystal Lane to volunteer. The locals are all spooked 'bout the "Death Curse" at Camp Crystal Lane. 2 kids murdered in 68, boy drowned in 67 (they tell you this in that order so the viewers go Oh so the two murders happened as a result of the boy drowning. So this is like, a revenge movie).

And now those kids are dead. So the other counselors are carpooling. Oh right it's Kevin Bacon!

So the chick hops in a jeep with someone we never see and the driver gets creepier and creepier and she rolls out the car into a ditch and then has to limp run from the person tailing her. This music resembles Psycho a lot.

Oh shit the girl tripped right at the feet of weird person following her and gets her throat straight up slit. Ew. Then the frame gets all washed out and its back to the rest of the counselors in their bathing suits hangin' out bein' stupid.

Yeah they're so stupid. One of the guys like, almost drowned.

Nice jammers tan, K. Bacon.

The redhead counselor girl has a weird thing for the nerdy/hipster looking guy with creepy/hipster facial hair. There's a snake in my dresser! What do they do to it? Kill it! Oh they all rush in to save her. ALL of them. And now they're tearing apart her rooom to find it. And they do. With... a machete.... wait where did he get that?

I'm guessing that snake was some kind of metaphor.

Hey they were smoking pot out there! And for some reason the Cop on a bike smelled them smoking? Or no he's looking for Lenny. On the double. Roger that. 10-4. over and out.

They ain't gonna stand for any weirdness out there at Crystal Lane. No homos!
Pretty sure that cop's bike don't wail like that.

The redhead is doing dishes and run into the town crazy. He pops out of the pantry. He's a messenger from GOD! You're doomed if you stay! I think he's Jason's dad. I think we just met Ralph. He bikes everywhere I guess.

The electricity is out. Don't worry, one of them was taught how to use the emergency generator. They are fixing the electricity. To the fuse box! Generator I mean! This is where I'll leave off...