I think I might delete this.
I've realized I'm almost completely retarded. Not retarded as in I'm not physically and mentally capable of doing this (blogging), but retarded as in... I'm the only one who reads this. Who am I to assume that my life is interesting? Because it's not. It really isn't. I don't do anything worth getting excited over. I just say stupid/obscure shit and laugh at myself and think I'm clever. Because even I get tired of my own weird-ass stuff I've put on here. So.... I'm not sure when I'll decide. I'll probably forget I was considering it until I return to read it again... So... ok.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Well I ended up watching Glee instead as well as...
Watch the music video for "She-Wolf" by Shakira so that I could watch the fan-created "He-Wolf", of which I stumbled upon.
And by stumble upon I mean, I saw that Steven had sent it to a friend on facebook.
As funny and amazing as the "He-Wolf" video is, the original is kind of funny as well. But not intentionally so.
It's become clear to me (after watching this one video and just remembering hearing about who Shakira was in the first place... all that stuff about her hips and that they just can't tell a lie or else they grow outwards. Can you image how wide someone's hips would be if that were true?) that Shakira loves to show off her flexibility. She's in this cage thing in which she twists and turns and pretezels and rolls and hangs and vaults and other weird stuff. Maybe she's like a circus freak? At a circus in the cage? Because she has weird 'venues' in which her character appears. Except for the "club" scene. That's standard.
No, but seriously. The first 'scene' in which she is dancing looked like inside my ear. The ear canal. Or like.... she was somewhere inside some intestines?? I was watching it on youtube so the quality may have been bad but still... And also the fact that in "He-Wolf" they hang plastic on their walls to get that effect is perfect. Because it really did look like the inside of someone's ear. No really. That's all I could think about. "What is the meaning of this scene? What exactly is the metaphor?"
She also likes to show off the fact that she used to belly dance. She does the wave-thingy with her belly and then does some other... interpretive dance moves...
My FAVORITE 'scene' is when she's on top of the roof. I thought AW CUTE she's paying homage to Mary Poppins! Like that chimney sweep scene! And then she even does a weird dance like they did... ok it's a stretch. That's what I thought of.
But who gives a shit? She's still hot!
Annnnnnd I devoted an entire thing to Shakira.
Maybe I'll do a movie tomorrow night...
And by stumble upon I mean, I saw that Steven had sent it to a friend on facebook.
As funny and amazing as the "He-Wolf" video is, the original is kind of funny as well. But not intentionally so.
It's become clear to me (after watching this one video and just remembering hearing about who Shakira was in the first place... all that stuff about her hips and that they just can't tell a lie or else they grow outwards. Can you image how wide someone's hips would be if that were true?) that Shakira loves to show off her flexibility. She's in this cage thing in which she twists and turns and pretezels and rolls and hangs and vaults and other weird stuff. Maybe she's like a circus freak? At a circus in the cage? Because she has weird 'venues' in which her character appears. Except for the "club" scene. That's standard.
No, but seriously. The first 'scene' in which she is dancing looked like inside my ear. The ear canal. Or like.... she was somewhere inside some intestines?? I was watching it on youtube so the quality may have been bad but still... And also the fact that in "He-Wolf" they hang plastic on their walls to get that effect is perfect. Because it really did look like the inside of someone's ear. No really. That's all I could think about. "What is the meaning of this scene? What exactly is the metaphor?"
She also likes to show off the fact that she used to belly dance. She does the wave-thingy with her belly and then does some other... interpretive dance moves...
My FAVORITE 'scene' is when she's on top of the roof. I thought AW CUTE she's paying homage to Mary Poppins! Like that chimney sweep scene! And then she even does a weird dance like they did... ok it's a stretch. That's what I thought of.
But who gives a shit? She's still hot!
Annnnnnd I devoted an entire thing to Shakira.
Maybe I'll do a movie tomorrow night...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
tv schedule for tonight
There are lots of choices tonight. And I'm only referring to movies I haven't seen.
So the choices are:
-Hustle & Flow on BET at 9
-The Transporter 2 on FX at 7... (soonish...)
-Ghost Rider on FX at 9
-Minority Report on TNT at 10
So those are the ones I would be willing to watch. I left out the ones I wouldn't (Waiting, Still Waiting, Underdog, Rumor Has it...etc.)
I think what I'll do is start The Transporter 2, see how that goes, maybe come back to Ghost Rider because I've heard it's just awful, and then I want to definitely watch a weird science fiction thing at some point... while I'm... doing this....
Steven? Suggestions?
Taylor? Suggestions?
I've also been thinking about changing the name of this to "Long Paragraphed-Liners Kind Of".
So the choices are:
-Hustle & Flow on BET at 9
-The Transporter 2 on FX at 7... (soonish...)
-Ghost Rider on FX at 9
-Minority Report on TNT at 10
So those are the ones I would be willing to watch. I left out the ones I wouldn't (Waiting, Still Waiting, Underdog, Rumor Has it...etc.)
I think what I'll do is start The Transporter 2, see how that goes, maybe come back to Ghost Rider because I've heard it's just awful, and then I want to definitely watch a weird science fiction thing at some point... while I'm... doing this....
Steven? Suggestions?
Taylor? Suggestions?
I've also been thinking about changing the name of this to "Long Paragraphed-Liners Kind Of".
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tonight's movie: Half (or so) of The Green Mile
So, I've never actually read Stephen King's The Green Mile, and I have never sat through the entire movie. NOR have I even started it at the beginning. It's always somewhere random towards the middle.
So the scene I just witnessed has the man who plays the farmer in Babe (live-action)... (do they have an animated version?) And in this man's office (I assume he's the jail warden...) he has a portrait of FDR. He said something about a brain chumer (yeah, chumer) and sobbed in his hand because "she's going to die".
Cut to Tom Hanks lying in bed. He looks a bit sweaty, I might add. AND THEN! All of a SUDDEN some pain overcomes him and Tom sits up in bed annnnnnd..... grabs his penis and balls.
(He is wearing pajamas, I might add). Then the next morning we see Bonnie Hunt (she was in the Beetoven franchise right? Well, now she has a talk show. You go girl!).
And Tom says he's going to the doctor. Today.
At work, Tom comes out of the bathroom looking really sick. Like, sweaty and exhausted and... sweaty. Oh.... he kind of waddles now... Weird.
A fight has broken out between the new transfer prisoner, Mr. Tom Waddly, and some other guards. One guy has that evil face. I think he's the evil one in this flick.
This other guard comes out, I feel like this actor plays a lot of Irish characters.
They thought the prisoner was doped.... We thought he was doped!
I think Tom's disco stick is... like swollen or something. Something not right is going on down there. He is walking, no waddling and now he is sitting on his knees on the floor holding them. Now he's lying on the floor. Maybe it's hot? And the cement floor will cool it?
It appears that Tom hangs to the left.
OH MY GOD. The man who always plays the obligatory black man snatched Tom to the bars and grabs his crotch.
Seems Tom's package is a hot item. WOW lots of electricity and ew. ew. ew. ew. This prisoner let bugs out of his mouth. EW EW EW EW EW. Tom is mesmarized.
OH WAIT. He can HEAL people... Right?
I forget that most people can read things longer than I can focus on them. So to me, I wouldn't have gone past the first paragraph. I would come back to it later, but I couldn't sit and read this entire thing NOW. So my point was that I was worried these are too long. But I remembered that most people are more literate than me.
Oh shit. I changed the channel and was watching some movie with Anne Heche and Viggo Mortenson. I'm not sure what this is. I thought it might be the really bad remake of Psycho (because of anne heche's blondness and the fact that i can't really tell what time period this is). So I got distracted about that. Now back to the Green Mile.
Tom is driving furiously to Trapingnas Pass (or something).
OH LEUTENANT DAN LEUTENANT DAN IS THAT YOU?!!
Together again!!!!!!!!!
Gary Sinise and Tom Hanks=TRULOVE
Sitting on a porch together. Like when Forrest was part of that shrimpin' business. Only this time, Leutenant Dan has working legs.
Oh gosh. I'm not very good at this. I got distracted by Facebook. Pictures. Pictures I have looked at before. There's something about the big guy sharing corn bread with the small squirrely white man with a mouse friend.
ahhhhh shit. I give up. Goodnight Leutenant Dan!
So the scene I just witnessed has the man who plays the farmer in Babe (live-action)... (do they have an animated version?) And in this man's office (I assume he's the jail warden...) he has a portrait of FDR. He said something about a brain chumer (yeah, chumer) and sobbed in his hand because "she's going to die".
Cut to Tom Hanks lying in bed. He looks a bit sweaty, I might add. AND THEN! All of a SUDDEN some pain overcomes him and Tom sits up in bed annnnnnd..... grabs his penis and balls.
(He is wearing pajamas, I might add). Then the next morning we see Bonnie Hunt (she was in the Beetoven franchise right? Well, now she has a talk show. You go girl!).
And Tom says he's going to the doctor. Today.
At work, Tom comes out of the bathroom looking really sick. Like, sweaty and exhausted and... sweaty. Oh.... he kind of waddles now... Weird.
A fight has broken out between the new transfer prisoner, Mr. Tom Waddly, and some other guards. One guy has that evil face. I think he's the evil one in this flick.
This other guard comes out, I feel like this actor plays a lot of Irish characters.
They thought the prisoner was doped.... We thought he was doped!
I think Tom's disco stick is... like swollen or something. Something not right is going on down there. He is walking, no waddling and now he is sitting on his knees on the floor holding them. Now he's lying on the floor. Maybe it's hot? And the cement floor will cool it?
It appears that Tom hangs to the left.
OH MY GOD. The man who always plays the obligatory black man snatched Tom to the bars and grabs his crotch.
Seems Tom's package is a hot item. WOW lots of electricity and ew. ew. ew. ew. This prisoner let bugs out of his mouth. EW EW EW EW EW. Tom is mesmarized.
OH WAIT. He can HEAL people... Right?
I forget that most people can read things longer than I can focus on them. So to me, I wouldn't have gone past the first paragraph. I would come back to it later, but I couldn't sit and read this entire thing NOW. So my point was that I was worried these are too long. But I remembered that most people are more literate than me.
Oh shit. I changed the channel and was watching some movie with Anne Heche and Viggo Mortenson. I'm not sure what this is. I thought it might be the really bad remake of Psycho (because of anne heche's blondness and the fact that i can't really tell what time period this is). So I got distracted about that. Now back to the Green Mile.
Tom is driving furiously to Trapingnas Pass (or something).
OH LEUTENANT DAN LEUTENANT DAN IS THAT YOU?!!
Together again!!!!!!!!!
Gary Sinise and Tom Hanks=TRULOVE
Sitting on a porch together. Like when Forrest was part of that shrimpin' business. Only this time, Leutenant Dan has working legs.
Oh gosh. I'm not very good at this. I got distracted by Facebook. Pictures. Pictures I have looked at before. There's something about the big guy sharing corn bread with the small squirrely white man with a mouse friend.
ahhhhh shit. I give up. Goodnight Leutenant Dan!
Also...
I just started to type the word "funny" in an e-mail and the first 3 letters I typed were 'f-u-c'....
Ha!
Ha!
couple things
There has been an incredible amount of these brown spiders and webs outside. And I'm so sick of them because I walk into them and scream "AH, FUCK!"***
There's a spider outside the window and I'm watching him make his web. He does the lines of webbing from the center out first, and then will continue to the circular ones, I assume. Reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYEYbmgp0bY
That video is also fucking*** hilarious.
***But what this "experience" has made me realize is how diluted that word and exclamation has become. It's still very offensive but it no longer holds that intense, oh-my-god-what?, reeeeally shocking feeling. Because people use it all the time. I mean, yes it's still a really crude, word. But 'fuck' is so versatile. It's become not only a verb, but an adjective ("That's so fucking stupid"), and a noun ("That's one sick fuck."), among other things. You can use it for anything. Just listen to hip-hoppers talk. Anyway, my original point was that me walking into spider-webs (even without getting spiders on me) certainly DID NOT warrant an extremely loud, angry "FUUUCK!!!"
What the hell is this? PBS? Jesus...
There's a spider outside the window and I'm watching him make his web. He does the lines of webbing from the center out first, and then will continue to the circular ones, I assume. Reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYEYbmgp0bY
That video is also fucking*** hilarious.
***But what this "experience" has made me realize is how diluted that word and exclamation has become. It's still very offensive but it no longer holds that intense, oh-my-god-what?, reeeeally shocking feeling. Because people use it all the time. I mean, yes it's still a really crude, word. But 'fuck' is so versatile. It's become not only a verb, but an adjective ("That's so fucking stupid"), and a noun ("That's one sick fuck."), among other things. You can use it for anything. Just listen to hip-hoppers talk. Anyway, my original point was that me walking into spider-webs (even without getting spiders on me) certainly DID NOT warrant an extremely loud, angry "FUUUCK!!!"
What the hell is this? PBS? Jesus...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I.... Really have no idea what is going on in this movie I'm watching.
I'm pretty sure this little girl just whispered "I want Jeff Bridges as my dad" to her mother, telling her what she wished for on her birthday, just as Jeff Bridges walks in.
Also, this movie started out with Tommy Lee Jones (he's in everything) in a Scottish jail who MacGyvered the FUCK outta EVERYTHING in his jail cell and blew it up and therefore escaped.
AND which NOW there is a really weird robotic arm thing that this woman is teaching to type . The woman of which is being held hostage by this military guy? No, wait.... I have NO FUCKIN CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON. The robot arm is FRIED, Jeff Bridges wants a drink on his DAY OFF, I mean, now the robot arm is MAD! It's like they are in the future, and Jeff Bridges works for this elite squad who goes against ROGUE ROBOTS. Oh, he JUST had a flashback of... someone saying "Limb, (really????) help me!". Nancy! How many bytes remaining! I don't know, 23! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! Nancy! Don't give up on me!
OH MY GOD. What is. Going. On. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS MOVIE IS.
Also, the quality of this movie looks as if it were a Made-For-TV-Movie quality.
The plot thickens..... Jeff Bridges lives in a home with a shamrock and american flag painted on his door.... I think I can predict this one.... Tommy Lee Jones (the Scotsman) will have a HOEDOWN SHOWDOWN with Jeff Bridges (the Irish drunk lad). He probably still won't feel resolved after this.
Well, that girl's mom, aka Jeff Bridges gurlfraaaan plays the violin and is in her own world at the rehearsal for the "Founding Fathers". It's that All-American song they play as stuff blows up, the crescendo as fireworks go off.
HAHAHAHA Jeff Bridges' job is dismantling bombs! He sometimes dismantles car bombs I'm sure. And car bombs made by Irish people... So like..... Irish car bombs. AHHHH FOREST WHITTAKER is in this.
Now Jeff Bridges has to retire and he is going to miss the job. Forest Whittaker as 'the replacement'.
So... I guess that robot typing thing was some sort of bomb set up to where the woman couldn't stop typing or else they would explode. There was something in this scene that said "LUV U LUV U" and "FOR U BITCH"... Maybe what they were typing.
Also, I think I just read on the TV screen that this movie is called Blown Away.
Something in which I am not.
Also...... Scottish people hate Irish people, right? Or is it half of the Irish people hate the other half of the Irish people? Or.... Irish hate Americans? I don't know!
THIS IS WAY TOOOOOOO MUCH SORRYYYYYYYY!
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WAIT I GET IT.
So the robot typing was there to take the place of the woman forced to type the same words over and over again or else the bomb would explode. And the military man was part of the bomb squad there setting up the robot.
OH God that took a while. OH WELL!
Also, this movie takes place in Boston. They have a lot of Irish people there right? Maybe Scots too?
oh and CUBA GOODING JR. is in this film.
Also, this movie started out with Tommy Lee Jones (he's in everything) in a Scottish jail who MacGyvered the FUCK outta EVERYTHING in his jail cell and blew it up and therefore escaped.
AND which NOW there is a really weird robotic arm thing that this woman is teaching to type . The woman of which is being held hostage by this military guy? No, wait.... I have NO FUCKIN CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON. The robot arm is FRIED, Jeff Bridges wants a drink on his DAY OFF, I mean, now the robot arm is MAD! It's like they are in the future, and Jeff Bridges works for this elite squad who goes against ROGUE ROBOTS. Oh, he JUST had a flashback of... someone saying "Limb, (really????) help me!". Nancy! How many bytes remaining! I don't know, 23! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! Nancy! Don't give up on me!
OH MY GOD. What is. Going. On. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS MOVIE IS.
Also, the quality of this movie looks as if it were a Made-For-TV-Movie quality.
The plot thickens..... Jeff Bridges lives in a home with a shamrock and american flag painted on his door.... I think I can predict this one.... Tommy Lee Jones (the Scotsman) will have a HOEDOWN SHOWDOWN with Jeff Bridges (the Irish drunk lad). He probably still won't feel resolved after this.
Well, that girl's mom, aka Jeff Bridges gurlfraaaan plays the violin and is in her own world at the rehearsal for the "Founding Fathers". It's that All-American song they play as stuff blows up, the crescendo as fireworks go off.
HAHAHAHA Jeff Bridges' job is dismantling bombs! He sometimes dismantles car bombs I'm sure. And car bombs made by Irish people... So like..... Irish car bombs. AHHHH FOREST WHITTAKER is in this.
Now Jeff Bridges has to retire and he is going to miss the job. Forest Whittaker as 'the replacement'.
So... I guess that robot typing thing was some sort of bomb set up to where the woman couldn't stop typing or else they would explode. There was something in this scene that said "LUV U LUV U" and "FOR U BITCH"... Maybe what they were typing.
Also, I think I just read on the TV screen that this movie is called Blown Away.
Something in which I am not.
Also...... Scottish people hate Irish people, right? Or is it half of the Irish people hate the other half of the Irish people? Or.... Irish hate Americans? I don't know!
THIS IS WAY TOOOOOOO MUCH SORRYYYYYYYY!
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WAIT I GET IT.
So the robot typing was there to take the place of the woman forced to type the same words over and over again or else the bomb would explode. And the military man was part of the bomb squad there setting up the robot.
OH God that took a while. OH WELL!
Also, this movie takes place in Boston. They have a lot of Irish people there right? Maybe Scots too?
oh and CUBA GOODING JR. is in this film.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I'm drinking Fresca right now
I think it's safe to say you are not a cougar when the person describing you as being a cougar is your husband and his reason is that when you are drunk you like to hit on younger men.
Other qualifications for being a cougar usually includes being incredibly hot for your age.
So... no.
Other qualifications for being a cougar usually includes being incredibly hot for your age.
So... no.
So I'm really excited to get to Rome for two reasons. One, it's uh... Rome.
And two, I'm tired of hearing the same nasty story from this older woman who's friends with our neighbors. She's told me it three times now. All times drunk. I'll call her Joyce. The story goes like this: (all caps indicates yelling. she yells. it's how she talks.)
Joyce: RAAAACHAAAAAAAAAAEL! YOU'RE GOING TO ROME??? AHHHHHHH!!!!
Me: Yeah, I'm super excited!*
Joyce: WELL, I have to tell you, watch out for those Italian men. I once had an Italian boyfriend and I would visit him. And I must tell you... Those Italian men have got moves. THEY'VE GOT MOVES! They make the best lovers.
This is coming from a 60-65 year-old plastered woman. THREE TIMES. She's said this to me 3 times!!!
*I'm also anxious to get away because I've exhausted this phrase enough.
And two, I'm tired of hearing the same nasty story from this older woman who's friends with our neighbors. She's told me it three times now. All times drunk. I'll call her Joyce. The story goes like this: (all caps indicates yelling. she yells. it's how she talks.)
Joyce: RAAAACHAAAAAAAAAAEL! YOU'RE GOING TO ROME??? AHHHHHHH!!!!
Me: Yeah, I'm super excited!*
Joyce: WELL, I have to tell you, watch out for those Italian men. I once had an Italian boyfriend and I would visit him. And I must tell you... Those Italian men have got moves. THEY'VE GOT MOVES! They make the best lovers.
This is coming from a 60-65 year-old plastered woman. THREE TIMES. She's said this to me 3 times!!!
*I'm also anxious to get away because I've exhausted this phrase enough.
give a dog a bone, you know.
just got mad at my tv for making too many "clang" noises... then I remembered I was partially watching an old movie about railroad spiker people... I don't know. Something with Charlton Heston.. But that's not the point. What is t...he point? Anyway, now they are hammering their chains so they can escape.
-Now they have weapons! Go prisoners! Run to freedom! Follow the tracks!-Oh gosh. I'm bored.
-big mistake. They aren't following the tracks. And they're in the middle of the desert.
paddy whacks, you know.
Something I don't understand is why people on craigslist DON'T put an image with what they're selling. I mean, I don't even bother. You just lost a POTENTIAL customer my friend. -Even though I MAY not actually be in the market for a really big, beautiful house in Beverly Hills with a big, beautiful, enticiing pool. STILL. Someone MAY actually be wanting to purchase such a thing. SO an image helps. - SERIOUSLY: I click the "has image" option so i don't even have to BOTHER skipping over all that junk. - also, if you're posting SAYS you have an image, I expect there to BE an image. Fucktards.
knick knacks, you know.
Well, I'm not very good at keeping up with this. It's probably because I have too many.... I'm deleting them right now... well.... after this.
So recently:
I like to sip and reminisce on the days when I had a mustache.
Oh gosh. Oh boy. Got a pocket full of googly eyes. NO LIE.
So recently:
I feel like if celebrities were not greedy, like some claim they aren't, they would negotiate for lower contracts. I mean, it's not like they HAVE to be paid $32mil for an appearance on Two and a Half Men or something. They already have eno...ugh money to last them 10 lifetimes (if they're smart...), so why do they insist on enormous salaries? They have enough.-I think they keep their large sums of monies as protection from the commoners. They can afford to shop at places that are extremely expensive and only other wealthy people do too (i.e. NOT the masses) so they buy their avoidance of the Townies at good ol' Target. There was some other reason I thought they insist on being paid ridiculously... but I can't remember.
I like to sip and reminisce on the days when I had a mustache.
Oh gosh. Oh boy. Got a pocket full of googly eyes. NO LIE.
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